byfirstlight's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Woe is me... My daughter doesn't love me anymore. She loves Lori. I'm so bummed. Who's Lori? She's one of the workers at the daycare. Of the four employees, Isabella likes her best. All the kids do. I can see why, though. She's wonderful with the kids, and she has one of those personalities that people are just drawn to. Heck, if I was a baby I'd like her best, too. But see, this bums me out. As if I didn't already feel like crap for having to work, now I've got this eating at me. Today I went to visit Isabella on my lunch (she had to be there all day today instead of just 4 hours), and as I was arriving, Lori was just getting there for her shift. Isabella saw me first, and gave a little smile. Then she saw Lori, and went absolutely nuts. She gave her this huge toothless grin, and started babbling and being all happy, all the while staring at Lori and ignoring me. O U C H You know, I honestly think that hurt more than anything in a long time. Childbirth? That's nothing compared to what I felt this afternoon. I want to be the one she goes nuts over. I'm her mom. Not Lori. I want to have her be as cheerful with me as she is with her. I want her first word to me mama. Not "Lori". Maybe I'm overreacting. I'm probably overreacting. But I just feel like crap right now. Like a complete and total failure. She doesn't need me for anything anymore. Anyone can feed her, because she's on formula. Adam takes care of her in the mornings, the daycare has her in the afternoons, and I get her in the evenings. When she's SLEEPING. I'm probably just the babysitter to her. Just shoot me. Shoot me now. 8:20 p.m. - 12.04.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||