byfirstlight's Diaryland Diary
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I'm so forgetful.
So...
I forgot what I wanted to write about. I hate when I do that. I guess I'll write about the next thing to pop into my head.
And the winner is...
BABIES!
I want another baby. Am I pathetic? I can't believe this. Here I am with a brand new baby, and I'm already wanting #2. Don't get me wrong. Isabella is beautiful and wonderful and perfect, but I feel like I got gypped a little bit with her birth.
I never got to go into labor on my own. I was induced. That's no fun! I want to be in the middle of the grocery store and feel my water go splashing all over, and be like, whoa - it's time! Or at the very least, feel the contractions start on their own and increase until I know it's time. I didn't get that. The doctor came in, broke my water without warning, and I was instantly in extreme labor. She was born 4 and a half hours after he did that. And honestly, I feel like I missed out.
Also, the birth itself. I didn't get the mirror in front of me like I wanted (but that was my fault - they asked me if I'd like it and I told them to shut the hell up and let me push - oops). I didn't get to really hold her when they put her on my chest, because they were cleaning her off, and I thought I was only supposed to look and not touch until she was all cleaned and bathed and swaddled and stuff. I didn't get to nurse as long as I wanted (again my fault - a bit of advice: do not pump and bottlefeed breastmilk to a four week old baby, and don't get on birthcontrol even if it's supposed to be okay for nursing moms, because it helped dry me up).
So, there aren't as many things as I thought there were, but the few things I have mentioned are a bigger deal than I thought they'd be.
Even though I don't plan on trying to conceive until Isabella is at least a year and a half old, I'm still having these thoughts all the time. I almost feel like I'm not being fair to her. She is so wonderful. I am enjoying my time with her, and I want to enjoy her, uh, infant-ness (well, you know what I'm trying to say) - before baby two comes along.
And I will. I just need to stop thinking about having another newborn.
I just wish I could turn back time and change things. Maybe then I wouldn't feel this way - as much. Hee.
Hrm. What else? Oh, yeah. This whole attached parenting business. Does anyone do the baby sign language stuff? I do, and I think it's pretty cool. At least, I think I do. I've never read anything about it, but Adam and I use hand gestures to get ideas across to Isabella, and so far, it seems to work really well. When we raise our pointer fingers and tell her "just a minute" or "I'll be right back", she'll stop fussing and be good for minute or so until one of us comes back. I think that's pretty cool. I've also noticed that if I just say the words, but don't put up my finger, it doesn't work. So I must be doing something right. I'm also trying to teach her a little bit of real sign language, namely, "I love you", which looks like this:
Adam's mom is a sign-language interpreter, so I'm actually thinking of asking her to teach Isabella whenever she has her, because honestly, I think that would be a wonderful thing for her to know. You never know when something like that could come in handy.
Soooo....anyway. I'm hungry. Time to go to lunch.
12:49 p.m. - 11.27.02
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